BREAKING: Elders Hold News Conference

Pandemonium around the podium

A spokesman for the Elders of Zion, Mr. Larry Elder, is holding a news conference in which he is stating the Elders' recommended course of action in Sderot. I am liveblogging, here goes:

LE: ... the Elders recommend the following:

a) we get a normal Prime Minister instead of this meshugener shaygetz.

b) the new PM gets the IDF to build The Gazanator.

c) the new PM holds a news conference in Sderot in which he unveils The Gazanator.

d) The Gazanator is a computer connected to some Howitzers on one end and the Color Red incoming rocket alert system on the other. Basically, what it does is confirm that there is an incoming rocket and have a Howitzer fire a shell into a randomly selected point in Gaza's populated areas.

e) The PM then proceeds to load the Howitzers with shells himself, so as to make clear the responsibility for any "war crime" is his and his alone. He explains that once the Gazanator is turned on, the only thing that will make it fire shells are incoming rockets from Gaza, and the only thing that will make it stop firing shells is a cessation of incoming fire from Gaza.

f) PM turns on The Gazanator. End of story.

(silence, then commotion)