Kumah Exclusive: Sacha Baron Cohen and Sara Silverman Are Mossad Agents

by Aaron Fox

The famous question: Could a holocaust every happen on American soil? Not yet famous answer: It already happened.

Simple math. In the year 1950 there were were 150 million Americans and around 5 million Jews. Today there are 300 million Americans and around 5 million Jews. American population doubled. Jewish population stayed the same. That's a loss of 5 million Jews. Then to take into account that there are only 3.5 million Jews that sport a Jewish mother from this count of 5 million. Since the 1950s count of Jews it's safe to assume all had Jewish mothers, let's add another 1.5 million to the loss. Add it up and we get 6.5 million Jews lost on American soil. At least the German holocaust had the mercy of making itself known as a destructive force. The American holocaust has us smiling down the aisles of Walmart as we quietly waste away.

The American holocaust is amongst us, the only question is how long will it linger on until the Jews of America are no more.

The Israeli government is asleep on many issues but lately the American holocaust has taken top priority amongst top officials. During the Sharon government a classified agency was formed to save the American Jews from perishing altogether. This agency's objective is to bring the American Jews back home to Israel.

Knowing full well that the American Jew would not leave on his own volition, a special strategy was devised. World history has proven that the only way the Jews leave their host country is by the host country itself expelling the Jews by violent means. A tall order of old fashioned antisemitism was needed.

Enter special Israeli Mossad agents Sacha Baron Cohen and Sarah Silverman. Specially trained to infiltrate American culture and plant the seeds of Jew hatred and general racial hatred for good measure. Click on their names to see them do their holy handiwork. Notice that these aren't just your run of the mill comedians. They are able to sing and write clever tunes; act and write for movies; there is no end to their creative talents. Their success has been enormous. It has become cool once again to hate Jews.

Stand by for stage two where special agent Michael Bloomberg will single-handedly bring Wall Street and all of New York to its knees thereby creating a world panic and economic disaster. And we Jews know what that means.

This just in: many smart Jews are coming to Israel just because Israel is better. If only all Jews were so wise, these covert actions by Mossad's celebrity spies would not be needed.

Editors note: Aaron Fox discovered the story while being a candidate for the Celebrity Mossad agency. He went half-way through a grueling 6 week comedy training camp whereby he was dismissed. The fatigued Aaron noted being unfunny as the reason for his abrupt termination.