"THE ALIYA EXCUSE"

Endthemadness.org is a website dedicated to dealing with Jewish dating related issues. Today a poster named Sammy started a thread entitled "THE ALIYA EXCUSE." This sparked several rebuttals including my own. I feel this is an extremely important issue to discuss. G-d knows how many Jews give up their dream because they were pressured into thinking Aliyah was a ridiculous requirement for marriage.

Sammy posts (reprinted exactly as it appeared there):
I notice lately, especially with the younger girls usually 22, and under there is this "i want to do aliya or we're not compatible" excuse. This is the biggest madness & the most ludicrous thing going on as of late. These girls are very immature, and just not ready to get married, so they use this excuse as to why they don't want to get married & are afraid of commitment. They dont realize the most important thing to look for a partner is someone that will make a good husband, a good good father, sholom bayis & a good provider, not where you live. That is the most rediculous thing to focus on. The only very important thing about where you live is that you should be able to support your family based on it by the job you have & if you dont want to be so far away from your family. They are here living in NYC expecting to find a guy here that is willing to quit his job, his culture, language & family to move 8000 miles away from everything. I have to say this if a girl ever mentions anything about aliya and is very serious about it, being a condition as to whether she will go out with you just end it right there, because the girl is not serious. If they are really that serious let them move there & find a guy there.

Oh boy! Where to begin? Why don't I start with the minuscule portion of this posting that I agree with. If the girl wants to make Aliyah and if the guy - who apparently is simply paying lip service when he Benches and Davens everyday - specifically cringes at the very thought of returning Home to the land of his ancestors, to his People's Heritage - then yes, the two of them should never date to begin with!

But to say making Aliyah "is the most ridiculous thing to focus on" is the true most ridiculous thing. Is it so ridiculous that she wants to raise her family in a country where December 25th is just December 25th? Is it so ridiculous that she wants her children's native tongue to be "Loshon Hakodesh?" Is it so ridiculous that she wants to live in a land where they give more emphasis to Ruchnius and less to Gashmius? Is it so ridiculous that she would prefer her children to be brought up looking at Jewish expiration dates on Milk cartons (or bags)? Is it so ridiculous that she wants to be part of her Nation in every sense? Is it so ridiculous she wants to fulfill the Mitzvah of Yishuv Eretz Yisrael? Is it so ridiculous that she wants to finally come Home?

Now wait. I have long debated this issue and am fully aware the many counter arguments. These are flawed. This is a popular one: "I know so many people that wanted Aliyah when they got married but are still living in New York anyway - it's a pipe dream! Is it worth limiting your choices?" Now let's be realistic. Aliayh is a privilege and yes, while physically it may only be a short 10 hour hop-on-a-plane to get there - you accurately identified some hardships. Yes, leaving family behind is hard. Yes, learning a "foreign" language is hard. Yes, adapting to a "foreign" culture is hard. Yes, finding a job and earning a fraction of what you would is the States is hard. Guess what? Aliyah is hard!

But it is doable. It is done.


This summer, as over the past two summers, over a thousand Olim - including lots of FULL families will be coming Home with the Nefesh B?Nefesh organization.

But as Mazal would have it, not everyone who wants to come Home is privileged to return.


The Chofetz Chaim historically attempted Aliyah several times - even had a house built in Eretz Yisrael - but time after time Hashem did not permit him to reach our Homeland successfully. But he did his part. Indeed Moshe Rabbanu himself was denied this privilege as well. But not because he didn't try to get Home.

And guess what else? Sharing common interests is a very important part of compatibility. It may not be the most important thing in a marriage but it's certainly something singles are entitled to look for in a spouse. Sharing a common goal - whether or not that goal is realized, sounds to me like it could only add a lot to a union. And if your dream is to make Aliyah why would you compromise that for anything in the world? Yes I say! Date only guys or girls that are like-minded! I'll tell you another secret, call it what you want - the "biggest madness," "the most ludicrous thing going on as of late," or "the Aliyah Revolution," - Aliyah is getting more popular! And continues to grow! There is simply no longer a reason to fear you can't find a spouse in the States that also wants Aliyah!

As for making Aliyah right away single - that's not always the most responsible thing to do. This is a question that must be answered on a-case-by-case bases as personal situations vary. But Aliyah experts agree - and I've spoken to many of them (e-mail me for names) - the most important thing for making a successful Aliyah is to prepare. That may mean getting a college degree first. That may mean working a few years to pay off debts and save up money. And yes, that may mean finding a Shidduch! But if your circumstances allow you to make Aliyah single - great! Go for it! And if not don't give up!

As for those girls "expecting to find a guy here that is willing to quit his job, his culture, language & family to move 8000 miles away from everything" - well, here's one: yours truly.

p.s. And if by "everything" you mean Brooklyn - it's 6000 miles.